fellow caffeine addict preggos & bf-ers

morning after the blizzard! have we decided on a catchy name for it? snowpocalypse is my favorite but that was used already i think.

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thinking deep thoughts about snow.

but before that happened, a pretty convincing illusion of morning joe. after waking up 2-3 times a night to feed, soothe the crymonster, pump… i need the incentive to wake up. but the baby is very sensitive to caffeine and it’s not worth the fussiness. so this is what i have been surviving on for the past year. safely (swiss water) processed, organic, fair trade and probably the best tasting decaf i’ve found that’s affordable and readily available.

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let me know what you’ve found!

songs we sing to kiddo

somewhere over the rainbow
mr. roger’s neighborhood theme
the rainbow connection
rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
hakuna matata
my favorite things
orange colored sky
three little birds

motherhood

…is turning out to be one long stretch of guilt and anxiety, peppered with moments of sheer bliss and wonder.

this has definitely been a lesson on letting go of things. because nothing is going as planned.

for example, early on, i had decided that i was going to nurse hardcore for a year, and if that was not possible, i was going to feed the kid this organic formula from germany (holle) i had done lots of research on. well… fast forward, i have a preemie who won’t latch so i’m exclusively pumping 8x/day, which is still not increasing my milk production, oh, and kiddo has multiple unknown allergies so goodbye fancy german holle and hello expensive sugar-laden american hypoallergenic formula. (and goodbye eating out. i’ve been on this total elimination diet that consists of turkey, rice, squash and pears. seems to be working.)

but breastmilk, liquid gold, booster of iq’s and social skills and neural development, and basically everything one needs to succeed in life… i want that for my kid. and i dread the day i dry up. i know rationally that everything will probably be fine. (like, is this is all just a conspiracy to keep women at home??) but still, shaking that feeling of failure is easier said than done. so what can i do besides try every lactation supplement, try to sneak my boob into that little crying sucker every chance i get, wring my hands at the waning numbers and accept that i might have to just feed him that awful smelling hypoallergenic stuff that’s got carageenan in it?? i mean, supplementing is one thing, but feeding him that exclusively? shit stuff smells like dog food laced with hot cheese.

but then, a toothless smile and tiny hands grabbing mine… and all the hamster wheel thinking pauses for a second. he is so sweet and little and innocent, it’s heartbreaking.

what a fuzzy, strange, emotional chapter of my life.

guess who’s arriving this fall…

irrational thoughts entertained and other experiences:

1. buying my own cryogenic freezer for diy cord blood storage. (~$20k btw)

2. how much coffee i’m going to drink after the obligatory 6-12 months of breastfeeding. like mad gourmet shit stuff.

3. according to hubs, ever since i got knocked up i smell a little bit like milk. weird.

4. kiddo seems to like “trap queen” by fetty wap. it’s like a dance party in there every time it comes on the radio!

5. foot on the gas pedal, room for the belly, seeing over the dashboard… pick two out of three. #shortpeopleproblems

6. i love him so much already.

farm to table

tungsten’s pick for lunch:

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glad to see the locavore movement is still going strong! i love that everything on the menu is locally sourced and all the meats are responsibly raised. the decor is quirky, shabby-chic with a farmhouse vibe.

as always, pictures were more or less an afterthought but my friend was kind enough to send a picture of his delicious blta + crispy fish sandwich

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(obviously taken with superior skills, and an iphone.)

it was ginoooormous. i ended up getting a sandwich too, which came with a simple but fresh arugula salad. it was very good, but if i were to have lunch here again, i’d probably want share one sandwich, and get a salad bowl and a veggie plate. that way you get a bit more variety. they also had some imaginative cocktails (kale, ooh!) and mocktails. i can definitely imagine a fun dinner with girlfriends or a nice, low-key date here.

(a telltale sign that i liked the place? planning my next visit already.)